It's only May and I've become amazed at what God has already done with this year of Adventurous Bravery. I know that as I write this, God is fighting for me. When you speak out against darkness, the enemy gets upset. I refuse to be afraid of the target on my back because I know my God is higher and stronger than any other.
I'm here to let you in on some of the incredible things God has been doing (and I'll try to keep it brief).
Recently, I have been burdened with the pain of my college campus. When I asked God not too long ago to take me on adventures that I would need to be brave for, I never imagined it would be so close to home. I was expecting to go off to India and do some crazy evangelism; yet, the Lord is preparing me for those adventures with this one. I shared my heart with my brother-in-law and he felt very similar. Quickly, he initiated a meeting with a guy at our church who works with InterVarsity, Beau Crosetto. Out of two meetings with Beau, we left with a game plan to start InterVarsity on campus and with a sense of urgency. My campus needs Jesus... Was I going to be brave enough to bring Him there with me?
We had our first meeting with Beau and a few students I gathered up who bought into the vision. This meeting did not go as I had hoped. I discerned some weird things from people who had come up to us during our meeting who were asking what we were doing. I started feeling uncomfortable and insecure. In fact, right before our meeting a random guy came up to talk with my friend and I. He knew my friend and felt comfortable enough to sit down and invite himself to our meeting. I was slightly alarmed, but I tried not to let it get to me. Eventually, this guy told me that InterVarsity would not work on our campus for many reasons. Of all that he said, I knew God could overcome it; yet, I still felt extremely discouraged.
After our meeting, Beau asked how I felt about our meeting. There was some tension during it, and I brought that up. But I felt like I wasn't really getting to the core of what was wrong. It took me a minute, but I let Beau know about the guy who came up and directly told me that this would not work and that no one would want to be a part of it. Imagine being fired up about starting a new ministry and learning about church planting until some random (intimidating) guy comes up and very aggressively tells you it's a waste of time. I cried a little and, through a debrief with Beau, came to realize that this guy's comment was so hurtful because it was playing into my insecurities. Many times before have I tried to start something for God and seen it crash and burn right before my eyes. I did not want this to be like that.
I left our debriefing still feeling weird about the way everything went down during the meeting, but excited to see what God would do in the midst of my doubt and insecurities.
Our second meeting took place earlier this week and, while I knew it would be better, I felt exhausted walking into it. I had just gotten done participating in a panel discussion on Sexual Assault & Rape, and I was feeling emotionally drained. Our second meeting started, and a new face joined us. To be straightforward, I was hesitant because of our last meeting when a new face joined us... and it didn't go so well. However, this new guy was great. He seemed to be very receptive and enjoyed our meeting. I enjoyed his feedback.
Today, a few days after our second meeting, I'm feeling more excited about what God is going to do. However, I am also feeling nervous about what the enemy may try to do to bring us down. I know God is good and that He will sustain us and will not lead us into battle to die, but I have to be honest about my struggles and feelings. I am nervous.
I want to invite you all that are reading this to journey with me. If you would like to adventure with me into the great unknown of God's plan, would you join with me in prayer and petition against anything that may come against us during this ministry plant? Would you be willing to pray for the well-being and tenacity of our team? I would like to give you the link to our video journey in planting this ministry and Beau's website so that you may be able to track our adventures just as we are experiencing them. I'll be posting on this blog to give you all updates on how things are going. If you would like to get these updates sent to your email, please subscribe in the box on the left-hand side. If you have any encouragement or prayers that you would like me to share with our team, my email is kimy.brennan@gmail.com. Feel free to message me if you would like some encouragement as well. We're all in this together, trying to impact this world for the glory of God and the kingdom purpose. Please let us stand by you in encouragement, and I ask that you would pray for us as well.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
#HonestlyBrave: Why I Used to Hate Sunsets
I used to hate sunsets. They would remind me of "another day wasted" and it always left me feeling so alone. The end of the day meant I had to do it all over again the following day... and again, and again. I felt lonely, scared, alone, and a plethora of other emotions when I experienced a sunset. I remember most days ending with tears as I watched a sunset and was reminded of the overwhelming depression that engulfed my heart. Then, something changed. The depression that I felt was healed and sunsets no longer bothered me. I found the beauty in sunsets that God had been trying to show me for years. He went into the depths of my heart and brought up the things that held me captive of depression. He reminded me that each day is a gift, not something to dread. A few years ago, I found the beauty of a new day. A new song. A sunset no longer reminds me of loneliness; rather, it brings me great joy to know that God has blessed me with another day to know Him and grow closer to Him. It reminds me that although another day is not always promised, the mourning of the night will become dancing the following day. Friends, know that whatever you're going through, God is capable of taking control of your situation and turning it around. Even when we see no end in sight, God has already planned a way for us to get there. Trust Him, but also enjoy the journey. A sunset doesn't have to only mean the end; it can mean a new beginning.
Be encouraged this day, friends! Love + Peace be with you!
Monday, January 12, 2015
#BravelyHonest: Lead It
This post is not going to have a story with an ending, but bare with me. We'll get there someday soon. :)
If you didn't know already, I'm a girl. *Insert fake laughter + affirmations of my humor* (kidding). I have emotions (and lots of them). I have times when I'm more emotional than other times. I have days when I feel completely emotionless. Fact of the matter is, for most of my life my emotions have lead me to do/say/think some crazy things. Not all of them have been bad, but not all of them have been good either.
Why do I say this? Because right now in my life and in yours we have an opportunity to allow God to chisel something away. We have the opportunity to say, "Yes God, I trust you and know that you have the best plan for me. Chisel out of me anything not of You." Yet, most days we decide to ignore that opportunity. Why do we do that? Now the list could be extremely short or long for many of us, but for me it is fear. I am afraid to get hurt. I am mostly afraid to get hurt and then not know how to recover. I've been hurt a lot in my life (as I'm sure everyone reading this can relate) and although the healing process has gotten clearer in my recent hurts, it doesn't make it hurt any less. You will still go through times when the healing takes more than a few days; when it takes months, maybe even years. The problem is fear for me; but, I'm ready to overcome that.
Recently, I asked God to "chisel" out some stuff in me. It didn't take very long because the list of things that separate me from being exactly like Christ is pretty long. God called out my emotions. When I get hurt, upset, angry, or basically any of the HALT emotions (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), I go into auto-pilot and my emotions take over. I say things I don't mean, do things that mess good things up, and think things that send me into night-long cry-sessions. As much as it pains me to say it, my emotions have led me for a long time.
This is not easy to say, just so you know. My heart is aching and my hands keep pulling back from the keyboard while my mind is saying, "Just erase the majority of what you've typed and say something 'encouraging' instead." But that's not what I'm going to do. You know I love to write encouraging things, but I believe that sometimes the hardest things to say can be the most encouraging.
So what now? I basically wrote one of my personal journal entries right here, but where do we go from this?
I took a long hard look at myself this morning. I prayed. I talked it out. I cried (haha.. obviously, right?). Then I came to three points that I think will help us all in this journey (if you can relate even the slightest).
Be brave to not let your emotions lead you, but to lead your own emotions.
1. Get it out with a trusted friend/leader/accountability partner.
I can't tell you how important this is. Shoving things down does not help at all. I know from experience that shoving things down just makes for a not-that-long-later explosive situation. You will destroy friendships, relationships, and good things by not talking about what is going on.
2. Combat feelings with Scripture.
Scripture over feelings. Scripture over thoughts. Truth over fear. Truth over lies. This is what I am constantly telling myself. Once you realize that what you're feeling is real, and you've talked it out, you can begin to combat the lies (because you and I both know that in our emotions, we tend to lean into the lies that say "This only happened because you're not good enough/pretty enough/fast enough/smart enough/etc.." you know the lies). Honestly, I know that you and I are both capable of being so brave as to be able to fight off the lies and guilt we find ourselves falling into. Maybe sometimes the Truth hurts. But it also heals.
3. Submit Thoughts to Christ - Declare Victory - Be Positive about the Situation.
This one is a three-part-er, but it's not as hard as it may seem. When those thoughts come up (or back), submit them to Christ. That can be reciting that scripture you found to combat your feelings. It can also be praying when you seem to be thinking of the bad stuff. The list goes on. Also, declare victory over your situation because God can and will be in the midst of whatever you're going through. This part has changed my life so much! Once I remember that my life is in the hands of the Almighty God, I can declare that victory will come to the situation. My prayer will be answered! I may not be the way that I want it to be, but it will be the best for me. My God has victory over any situation. My emotions cannot change that and will not get in the way of remembering and knowing that. Lastly, but very importantly, be positive about what is going on. Be honest, but also be positive. You and I can drag ourselves through the adventures of life or we can enjoy it! "Enjoying a storm!? Impossible!" Not really! We can receive joy from God, if only we'd be willing to ask and submit to growing in the middle of it. This will change your perspective, your attitude, and maybe even your "Storm Life". :)
I want you to be honest with yourself. Understand that we all struggle with things, and if you don't feel like you struggle with this then great! Keep up what you're doing! But if you know that you are and are ready to be brave and move into all that God has for you, please pray about it. Ask for the chisel to be in the hand of the artist. Ask him to help you through it with strength, perseverance, and joy.
Lastly, I want to say that emotions are good things; but, they should not become a hinderance in your relationships/kingdom building/work. Let's be brave enough to say "this is not how life should be," and make an effort to change something.
(Some parts of this were definitely taken out of my personal journal. I had to be brave enough to post it, lol!)
If you didn't know already, I'm a girl. *Insert fake laughter + affirmations of my humor* (kidding). I have emotions (and lots of them). I have times when I'm more emotional than other times. I have days when I feel completely emotionless. Fact of the matter is, for most of my life my emotions have lead me to do/say/think some crazy things. Not all of them have been bad, but not all of them have been good either.
Why do I say this? Because right now in my life and in yours we have an opportunity to allow God to chisel something away. We have the opportunity to say, "Yes God, I trust you and know that you have the best plan for me. Chisel out of me anything not of You." Yet, most days we decide to ignore that opportunity. Why do we do that? Now the list could be extremely short or long for many of us, but for me it is fear. I am afraid to get hurt. I am mostly afraid to get hurt and then not know how to recover. I've been hurt a lot in my life (as I'm sure everyone reading this can relate) and although the healing process has gotten clearer in my recent hurts, it doesn't make it hurt any less. You will still go through times when the healing takes more than a few days; when it takes months, maybe even years. The problem is fear for me; but, I'm ready to overcome that.
Recently, I asked God to "chisel" out some stuff in me. It didn't take very long because the list of things that separate me from being exactly like Christ is pretty long. God called out my emotions. When I get hurt, upset, angry, or basically any of the HALT emotions (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), I go into auto-pilot and my emotions take over. I say things I don't mean, do things that mess good things up, and think things that send me into night-long cry-sessions. As much as it pains me to say it, my emotions have led me for a long time.
This is not easy to say, just so you know. My heart is aching and my hands keep pulling back from the keyboard while my mind is saying, "Just erase the majority of what you've typed and say something 'encouraging' instead." But that's not what I'm going to do. You know I love to write encouraging things, but I believe that sometimes the hardest things to say can be the most encouraging.
So what now? I basically wrote one of my personal journal entries right here, but where do we go from this?
I took a long hard look at myself this morning. I prayed. I talked it out. I cried (haha.. obviously, right?). Then I came to three points that I think will help us all in this journey (if you can relate even the slightest).
Be brave to not let your emotions lead you, but to lead your own emotions.
1. Get it out with a trusted friend/leader/accountability partner.
I can't tell you how important this is. Shoving things down does not help at all. I know from experience that shoving things down just makes for a not-that-long-later explosive situation. You will destroy friendships, relationships, and good things by not talking about what is going on.
2. Combat feelings with Scripture.
Scripture over feelings. Scripture over thoughts. Truth over fear. Truth over lies. This is what I am constantly telling myself. Once you realize that what you're feeling is real, and you've talked it out, you can begin to combat the lies (because you and I both know that in our emotions, we tend to lean into the lies that say "This only happened because you're not good enough/pretty enough/fast enough/smart enough/etc.." you know the lies). Honestly, I know that you and I are both capable of being so brave as to be able to fight off the lies and guilt we find ourselves falling into. Maybe sometimes the Truth hurts. But it also heals.
3. Submit Thoughts to Christ - Declare Victory - Be Positive about the Situation.
This one is a three-part-er, but it's not as hard as it may seem. When those thoughts come up (or back), submit them to Christ. That can be reciting that scripture you found to combat your feelings. It can also be praying when you seem to be thinking of the bad stuff. The list goes on. Also, declare victory over your situation because God can and will be in the midst of whatever you're going through. This part has changed my life so much! Once I remember that my life is in the hands of the Almighty God, I can declare that victory will come to the situation. My prayer will be answered! I may not be the way that I want it to be, but it will be the best for me. My God has victory over any situation. My emotions cannot change that and will not get in the way of remembering and knowing that. Lastly, but very importantly, be positive about what is going on. Be honest, but also be positive. You and I can drag ourselves through the adventures of life or we can enjoy it! "Enjoying a storm!? Impossible!" Not really! We can receive joy from God, if only we'd be willing to ask and submit to growing in the middle of it. This will change your perspective, your attitude, and maybe even your "Storm Life". :)
I want you to be honest with yourself. Understand that we all struggle with things, and if you don't feel like you struggle with this then great! Keep up what you're doing! But if you know that you are and are ready to be brave and move into all that God has for you, please pray about it. Ask for the chisel to be in the hand of the artist. Ask him to help you through it with strength, perseverance, and joy.
Lastly, I want to say that emotions are good things; but, they should not become a hinderance in your relationships/kingdom building/work. Let's be brave enough to say "this is not how life should be," and make an effort to change something.
(Some parts of this were definitely taken out of my personal journal. I had to be brave enough to post it, lol!)
Mercy Mercy (Acoustic) - Hillsong United
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