I have a very hard time being still. I have a very hard time admitting that I have a hard time being still. I don't like to ask for help and if that means I mess up, most likely I will do it anyways. I am stubborn and prideful at times. God knows all this.
As I write this, keep in mind it's only Wednesday... I thought that today was Sunday when I woke up. That's how long this week has felt.
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to talk with one of my best friends. We talked about stress (did I mention I stress...a lot?) and being still. She shared with me one of her ways that she relieves stress and her Still Time with God. I sat there just wishing I could bring myself to do that. I thought through my week and it went a little something like this: Sunday night I began feeling a little stressed. Monday rolled around, and it got worse. Tuesday hit and I was ready to break down. I really wanted to sit and cry, and I planned a time to be with God and have Still Time and cry. That didn't end up happening. Stuff got in the way and I prioritized the wrong things. Honestly, I wasted my night on myself calling it "relaxing" when in fact I was sitting here making things worse on myself. This morning (Wednesday) I woke up and thought to myself, "I'm late! I'm going to miss church!" . First of all, we have too many alarms in my house to miss church so that was not going to happen. Second, I had to go through what yesterday was and what had just happened.... I realized it's Wednesday and then thought, "Wow, I must be stressed... It's been such a long week."
Honestly, this whole week God has been telling me to stop doing things and just sit and talk to him. I kept saying I would, but I was "way too stressed and upset" -- aka an excuse not to spend time with God.
A little bit ago, I heard God reminding me again to spend time with him. So I said, "Okay, I have a minute. Let's talk." Which led to me watching an amazing sermon by Francis Chan on God's Strength (which I will find and post for you eventually). This got me going so I began praying -- at first half heartedly -- into a prayer that started to change the way I was feeling. I was honest, I was sorry, and I was seeking Him. But something still felt wrong while I was doing all this. God responded to me saying that I was still not Being Still. I was so confused... What do you mean?? I spent at least 30 minutes right now watching this sermon, now I'm praying... I thought this is what Being Still looks like! God is awesome. He told me to put the clothes that I was folding down, "You said that you wanted to follow me. That you want to yield your heart to Me. When I say something, I need you to do it."
I didn't think folding clothes would be a big deal while I'm having devotional time.. and maybe it's not for you; but as I began to put the clothes down and pray and sing it became so evident that until I stop doing something, my Go-Go-Go mindset will keep... well, going. If I'm constantly doing things and not giving my full 100% attention to God in the time that I spend with him, I'm really doing myself a disservice and not giving Him my full praise.
So that's when it hit me. My Still Time doesn't necessarily look like everyone else's, but it's my time to be in the Secret Place with God. I fell in love with Him all over again as I sat in awe at His beauty. I couldn't say anything for a while. My prayer became the song I was hearing. I was sitting, curled up, understanding things God has done in my life that I didn't understand before, getting a peace over my week, being blessed by the beauty of God, and baring my soul.
This may not seem like I completely bared my soul to you all, but it's hard for me to admit this; but, there is a peace and a freedom that comes with admitting that we're weak without God. There is also strength found in trusting in Him and listening to Him when he calls.
If you didn't get anything out of this, I want to leave you with one last thought:
What you believe about God will determine your worship.
If you're thinking, "What does this have to do with Still Time?", let me encourage you to believe something new to you about God and see how it changes your Still Time with Him. For example, I was listening to a Young + Free song and heard "God of Everlasting Wonder". I began to think of the 7 wonders of the world and how beautiful some of them are. That led me to think that if God's creation is beautiful to us, imagine how beautiful God is! That took my worship in my Still Time to a whole new level. After baring my soul to God, that thought began to lift me up. God reminded me that He is beautiful, and that that beauty and wonder and strength is available to me 24/7. It gave me a peace.
I'm going to leave you with a few songs that really led me today in my Still Time.
Gracious Temptest - Young + Free
End of Days - Young + Free
Back to Life - Young + Free
Have a blessed day + a wonderful Still Time!
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