#AdevnturousBravery Means Trusting God Even When...

It's been a while since I've had a minute to sit down and blog again. However, I feel like there's been a lot on my heart recently. Lots of things have been weighing on me and God has been speaking. I haven't gotten it all figured out, but I want to share with you while I'm on the journey. I figure that way makes more sense when you're going through something. You can know that someone else feels the same.

So God and I have a funny relationship. Often times, I find myself all in to His plans. I always tell God, "Whatever you say, I am down! You're my ride or die, God! It's just You and me!" And then can you guess what happens? I see something I like or that I want and God gets pushed aside. Can you relate?

I say this out of a genuine and sincere heart that wants you to feel comfortable enough to be bold and share with a trusted friend or mentor if you feel you are doing the same (especially if it's in an area that you know you struggle in).

So what's been up recently? Well, I feel that over the past few months I've been given two words from the Lord. These two words are the LAST words that I want to hear right now... or really, ever. The two words the Lord has given me are: sacrifice and wait.

What!? God, I thought we were cool! I thought we were besties! Besties don't do each other like that!

After my mini hissyfit with God, I asked Him what He meant. I started to surrender to Him and honestly wanted to seek out whatever He had planned. He said, "I want you to sacrifice. And then wait."
So I did. Or, so I thought...

It's not like the sky is falling or my life is in shambles, but I felt like God really started to wreck me. My response was, "Alright, so like.. what up God? I've been sacrificing and waiting and all that I see is things getting taken away or not even given to me. I thought you had my back?" Have you ever felt like that? Like you're doing so much for God, yet your life isn't becoming what you want.. or what you thought God might want for you?

About two Sunday mornings ago, I was at the altar. I was laying down plans and pain and hurts and control. I ran out of words when I heard the word "sacrifice" from God. I started getting a little irritated. And in my frustration with God's response, I started to cry. All of a sudden, I feel someone coming up to pray for me while I'm at the altar. I was still kind of frustrated because I felt like I kept hitting a wall every time I would talk about this sacrifice thing with God. I prayed that He would see my hard work and that He would bless it. I realized it was our lead pastor praying for me. I began to break down when he started to pray about what I was just telling God. I knew God was going to be doing something crazy after this.

A few days later, I'm leaving our young adults service and our young adults pastor says, "He sees everything Kimy." And my first thought is, "Great! How many people know about this, God?" Haha. God is funny that way.

Eventually, I find myself in a place where I know God is speaking to me. It's just me and Him in prayer and He's reminding me of something He told me long, long ago. It can be summed up in Matthew 6:33, "But seek first His kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." I've had that verse in my mind for a year. God keeps telling me, focus on your calling and growing closer to Me and everything will come in it's time. Yet, we all have fears. And those fears push us hard. They make us do things we never thought we would and say things that we regret.

Let me just say, I never wanted to be wrecked. When do we ever? I just wanted to be changed. But.. do you realize that when you ask God to change you, you're basically asking Him to wreck you? We have all these ideas about the world and all these dreams & plans... we need to lay them down and see what God does with them. A lot of the time, it takes God taking some stuff away and giving you some things you maybe didn't even want so that you can be changed. And that's a good thing, even though we don't always see it like that.

I think a lot about past relationships when I try to grasp the concept that God knows better than me and has better plans. I remember just how "in love" I may have thought I was with previous relationships or crushes. Then I thank the Lord for taking me away from them. Lol. When you realize you do not know what's best for you, it might change your perspective and give you a more surrendering heart.

Last Sunday night, I had a conversation with one of our pastors who didn't even know about any of this stuff going on for the past few months. He told me exactly what God has been telling me... Follow your calling and see what God does.

Ever feel like, "Man, you're always right, God. It's hard for me to accept!"

So I'm not here to tell you that I figured out some secret formula to figuring out God or His plans for us. I'm still trying to accept the little things He's been doing. But what I am here to say is that if I can do it, even through the struggling, you can do it. And I'm here to remind you, I'm human just like you. We both make mistakes, but God is going to take care of us. I know I'm writing to someone who needs this. Be encouraged that in all my struggling, I'm attempting to find a way with God so that I can share with you about it. But until then, I want to remind you that it's okay to struggle. It's okay to not know what God is doing. He will pour out blessings and provide you with provision and protection because He loves you. Allow Him to mold you. Be the clay, and be not a hardened clay. Be like a soft clay in the hands of the One who knows just how you shall be molded. It's okay to be cliche and say, "I'm going to let go and let God." But in saying that, you really do have to let go... of control. He knows you, what you need, and who you need. Let Him do the hard work that only He can do.

Here's a song for your day. Be blessed, my friend.

#AdventurousBravery: The Adventure Awaits

It's only May and I've become amazed at what God has already done with this year of Adventurous Bravery. I know that as I write this, God is fighting for me. When you speak out against darkness, the enemy gets upset. I refuse to be afraid of the target on my back because I know my God is higher and stronger than any other.

I'm here to let you in on some of the incredible things God has been doing (and I'll try to keep it brief).

Recently, I have been burdened with the pain of my college campus. When I asked God not too long ago to take me on adventures that I would need to be brave for, I never imagined it would be so close to home. I was expecting to go off to India and do some crazy evangelism; yet, the Lord is preparing me for those adventures with this one. I shared my heart with my brother-in-law and he felt very similar. Quickly, he initiated a meeting with a guy at our church who works with InterVarsity, Beau Crosetto. Out of two meetings with Beau, we left with a game plan to start InterVarsity on campus and with a sense of urgency. My campus needs Jesus... Was I going to be brave enough to bring Him there with me?

We had our first meeting with Beau and a few students I gathered up who bought into the vision. This meeting did not go as I had hoped. I discerned some weird things from people who had come up to us during our meeting who were asking what we were doing. I started feeling uncomfortable and insecure. In fact, right before our meeting a random guy came up to talk with my friend and I. He knew my friend and felt comfortable enough to sit down and invite himself to our meeting. I was slightly alarmed, but I tried not to let it get to me. Eventually, this guy told me that InterVarsity would not work on our campus for many reasons. Of all that he said, I knew God could overcome it; yet, I still felt extremely discouraged.

After our meeting, Beau asked how I felt about our meeting. There was some tension during it, and I brought that up. But I felt like I wasn't really getting to the core of what was wrong. It took me a minute, but I let Beau know about the guy who came up and directly told me that this would not work and that no one would want to be a part of it. Imagine being fired up about starting a new ministry and learning about church planting until some random (intimidating) guy comes up and very aggressively tells you it's a waste of time. I cried a little and, through a debrief with Beau, came to realize that this guy's comment was so hurtful because it was playing into my insecurities. Many times before have I tried to start something for God and seen it crash and burn right before my eyes. I did not want this to be like that.

I left our debriefing still feeling weird about the way everything went down during the meeting, but excited to see what God would do in the midst of my doubt and insecurities.

Our second meeting took place earlier this week and, while I knew it would be better, I felt exhausted walking into it. I had just gotten done participating in a panel discussion on Sexual Assault & Rape, and I was feeling emotionally drained. Our second meeting started, and a new face joined us. To be straightforward, I was hesitant because of our last meeting when a new face joined us... and it didn't go so well. However, this new guy was great. He seemed to be very receptive and enjoyed our meeting. I enjoyed his feedback.

Today, a few days after our second meeting, I'm feeling more excited about what God is going to do. However, I am also feeling nervous about what the enemy may try to do to bring us down. I know God is good and that He will sustain us and will not lead us into battle to die, but I have to be honest about my struggles and feelings. I am nervous.

I want to invite you all that are reading this to journey with me. If you would like to adventure with me into the great unknown of God's plan, would you join with me in prayer and petition against anything that may come against us during this ministry plant? Would you be willing to pray for the well-being and tenacity of our team? I would like to give you the link to our video journey in planting this ministry and Beau's website so that you may be able to track our adventures just as we are experiencing them. I'll be posting on this blog to give you all updates on how things are going. If you would like to get these updates sent to your email, please subscribe in the box on the left-hand side. If you have any encouragement or prayers that you would like me to share with our team, my email is kimy.brennan@gmail.com. Feel free to message me if you would like some encouragement as well. We're all in this together, trying to impact this world for the glory of God and the kingdom purpose. Please let us stand by you in encouragement, and I ask that you would pray for us as well.

#HonestlyBrave: Why I Used to Hate Sunsets

I used to hate sunsets. They would remind me of "another day wasted" and it always left me feeling so alone. The end of the day meant I had to do it all over again the following day... and again, and again. I felt lonely, scared, alone, and a plethora of other emotions when I experienced a sunset. I remember most days ending with tears as I watched a sunset and was reminded of the overwhelming depression that engulfed my heart. Then, something changed. The depression that I felt was healed and sunsets no longer bothered me. I found the beauty in sunsets that God had been trying to show me for years. He went into the depths of my heart and brought up the things that held me captive of depression. He reminded me that each day is a gift, not something to dread. A few years ago, I found the beauty of a new day. A new song. A sunset no longer reminds me of loneliness; rather, it brings me great joy to know that God has blessed me with another day to know Him and grow closer to Him. It reminds me that although another day is not always promised, the mourning of the night will become dancing the following day. Friends, know that whatever you're going through, God is capable of taking control of your situation and turning it around. Even when we see no end in sight, God has already planned a way for us to get there. Trust Him, but also enjoy the journey. A sunset doesn't have to only mean the end; it can mean a new beginning.

Be encouraged this day, friends! Love + Peace be with you!