#VictoriousFaith: When The Mountains Aren't Moving

I have felt an immense sense of being overwhelmed recently. I know that there is much to be done, much that I want to "have time to do one day", and much that has changed. Every day, I go through my day the best that I can... praying when things get tough. Occasionally, when I wake up the next morning I feel stuck in yesterday. I have asked "What is wrong with me? Am I experiencing a season of being 'in the valley'?" Life has gone on without giving me answers... leading me to feel overwhelmed because there are things that have not been fully processed, and yet there are more things coming my way. Overwhelmed has seemed like an understatement.

I have prayed countless times for energy, strength, focus, comprehension, and answers in these past few weeks. As I felt alone some days, understood on other days, and confused on most days, I realized something that has changed my mindset.

I do not need an answer all the time. I do not need to know the next step. Maybe this season is God showing me to rely on Him more. Maybe this season is realizing that I've been "going through my day the best that I can", and not the best that He can. I have asked for help, but not received it. I have prayed for God to rescue me from these feelings, but not surrendered them.

Here's what I am learning:

Sometimes we feel as though we've hit a wall, and it may come more often than not for some of us. I've taken that as an opportunity now to exercise #VictoriousFaith that God can and will get me through it. He can and He will break down the walls of apathy, discouragement, frustration, and sadness. He will rescue me from confusion, lack of understanding, and exhaustion. He will do these things when I take the first step towards Him: Surrender (for real this time) and reliance on God's strength.

I know that is not all God is trying to teach me, but I am going through it currently. As He speaks, I will continue to learn & grow and share my experiences with others who may feel a similar way. 

Victorious Faith: Have You Ever Had A Dream?

Have you ever had a dream? A desire for something that you so desperately wanted? Maybe it's to get married, or have kids. Maybe it's to lead worship or create your own business. What ever your dream may be, do you trust God with it? Here's my story of Victorious Faith + trusting God with my dream.

Starting this year, I came up with a list of words that inspire me. I wrote them on my white board to remind myself every day of the things that inspire me; that get me fired up and passionate. Here's some of those words:

It was so funny because as I was writing this list, I was getting excited! I'm a words person (if you haven't already been able to tell) and these were firing me up! One word that I wrote was "wildfire". It was the first time I had written that word & felt so inspired. It was speaking something to me... I want to see revival in Long Beach spread like a wildfire. I want to see the Gospel spread this earth like a wildfire. If you know anything about wildfires, you know that they spread rapidly and they take over everything! That's how I see Long Beach and surrounding areas being ignited and on fire for Christ. This is my vision for our city, and this world. 

Rewind about 1 year before this moment... I was praying that God would allow a dream of mine to come true. I had always wished, prayed, and planned for an opportunity to be in a band. I'm talking some serious planning. I would Pinterest outfit ideas for the band, come up with band names, write songs for this "someday band", and always think about it. One day I realized that this was not the time for that, so I gave it to God and said "Your Will be done". 

So it's about a year later, I just wrote these inspiring words, got this "wildfire vision" in my head, and I'm pumped beyond belief. It didn't occur to me right away that this wildfire vision could have anything to do with my dream. But days went on and I had some funny dreams while I was asleep at night about having a band. There was one in particular that I woke up from and I couldn't shake it off! I started to see a correlation between that night-dream & MY Dream! 

I didn't do anything about it right away. Instead, I kept the dream in God's hands and asked Him to take care of it. I prayed that God would lead me to this band when the timing was right.

A month went by, and I was asked by the Celebrate Recovery leader at our church to get a worship team together for a Tuesday night and lead worship. I lead our youth team + have been a part of multiple worship teams here and there, but something felt different about this opportunity.

Concurrently, I was leading worship at our InterVarsity group on campus at Long Beach City College with some friends. I thought, "well, it's worth a shot to just ask if they could help me out. It's just one Tuesday night." And they were down!

I'll tell you what... That Tuesday changed the way I lead worship. It changed the way I organize a band. Everything was so wonderful that night, I couldn't believe it. We all worked together so well and I saw my worlds collide: church family, school friends, InterVarsity friends all together worshiping on the same stage. 

After that night, the Celebrate Recovery leaders asked us if we could make worship at CR a monthly thing! It was such a shock to me that they had enjoyed our band so much! We prayerfully considered + accepted the offer. Every third Tuesday of each month, we began leading worship. From month one, I had started dialogue with some of the musicians and vocalists about what it might look like for us to do music together indefinitely. As we began talking and sharing ideas, God brought us to a place where we were all in the right place to say yes to a band. 

We began working on music, making videos, sharing our hearts for worship, and fellowshiping together. We started this hashtag called #startingwildfires after I had shared my heart about the "wildfire vision". After some push and pull on a band name, we agreed to call ourselves the Wildfires.

Now, I want you know, I had a whole marketing strategy laid out, dates for announcements, all that jazz. But none of it happened that way. It was so organic and I'm so thankful for that. The past month that we did CR worship, our band is up on stage after our set, getting ready to play for offering when our CR leader announces that we are the Wildfires band! I was so shocked that he had said that because I didn't even know that he knew! My jaw dropped a little as I laughed because my marketing strategy had nothing on this organic announcement. It was perfect, and it was just the way God wanted it.

So here's what followed... We had our announcement. We played at the #LLCFCoffeeHouse as an official band (you'll be seeing more about THIS soon). Now we are looking forward at the doors that God is opening for us. 

I want to tell you all something... Your dream is not too big. It's not too small. It's not impossible, and it's not out of reach for you. If God has placed something, a desire, in your heart, He will see it to fruition. He is not a God of disappointment. God is a God of miracles, so trust in Him with your dreams, desires, and plans. Give Him full control & see where He leads you!

"Trust Issues" Feat. Me

I've never listened to Drake's "Trust Issues" and I don't plan on it. I have too many trust issues myself.

Let me tell you some thoughts I've been having these past couple of months about Victory.

Victory is not always what we think it is. We often see it as finishing a race in first place or a country winning a war they've been fighting. But, sometimes Victory looks different. It could look like saying "no" to doing something you used to do before you met Christ. It could look like taking home a child from the foster care system. Point is, Victory comes in a lot of ways. Tonight, Victory came to me in a thought.

Have you ever known that something was wrong but not been able to place your finger on just what it was that was bothering you? You may be feeling that way right now. That has been my whole life. There is a specific area of my life that I have felt so much pain, silence, and doubt in.

When I was a child, my parents got divorced. My dad went away and I lived with my mom. During this time, there were men that were interested in my mom. They would date, and then it wouldn't really work out. I had a lot of people in and out of my life. I don't blame anything but Sin for that.

A year or two after my parents divorce (which I did not completely understand), I started having these strange attachment issues. Kids act up and get sad when their parents or siblings leave, but the way I dealt with things was a whole new level. I couldn't sleep alone. I was always scared that something would happen to me or my family while we were away from each other. Every night for a long time, I couldn't fall asleep without someone next to me holding my hand. I would cry and scream because I was so terrified to be away from them.

Later on, I found out why my parents got their divorce. Not long after, I began to have issues with my mom and step-dad. People came and they went in my life. Friends, family, "so-called" family/family friends, church leaders, everyone. This went on for about 10 years.

During those 10 years, I only maintained one relationship-- my sister. As for everyone else, I could have cared less about what happened to them. I could no longer care about anyone. Everyone had left me and I had no idea how to maintain a relationship with anyone. 

I loved people with all I could, but our relationships were shallow. That was all they could ever be because I would never agree to let my walls down.

However, as I got older I realized that I would need to open up one day. I was going crazy and I just wanted to feel someone's love and know that I could be safe and trust them. I was going to church at this time, but God wasn't real enough to me yet. So I got a boyfriend. 

What else is a teenage girl to do when she's feeling hopeless, lost, and in need of someone to love and trust?
I'll tell you what followed this new found relationship... brokenness, sorrow, pain, and lots of misconceptions about what life was all about.

I found myself more lost than before, more guarded than ever, and full of cynicism about the world. That's when it happened...

God reached into my heart and tore down walls as I started begging for freedom. I prayed for victory. I believe that tonight God has revealed to me some of where this all started to give me insight. I always thought "I must have been born with these trust issues," or "Maybe cynicism is just who I am". Let me go ahead and tell you that is not true for me and if you've been thinking that too... it's not true for you either! Don't let the enemy fool you! This is a product of the sinful world we live in.

Victory is coming to me tonight in a thought that although these trust issues are deep-seeded, my God (the one who conquered the GRAVE), is STRONG enough to save me from them! He can give me Victory! No matter how many times people tell me that I will always be like this, I know that God has a better plan for me if only I will trust in Him.

If you can relate to this... If you feel like this has been you, let me encourage you that this is not the end! I encourage you to press on, my friend. Go at full force towards God and allow your Victorious Faith to bring you into Freedom and trusting relationships! It's not easy. I struggle daily, but I know that my God is making all things new... including me & you!

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any prayer requests concerning this topic or others. I would love to pray with you & believe for healing and change in your life! Our God is greater than anything we could ever face! Amen?